I understand that my confessions may shock, hurt, and anger you. But I’m ready to change and do what I must do. My heart no longer wants to follow the darkness or feel empty. It wants to breathe happiness. To make myself happy, shine, and live without fears or anxieties. I need to release the things I’m not proud of.
One of the things I’ve been doing for so long is to pretend that I can hear when I cannot. I’ve been pretending to listen to people’s conversation since the day I started utilizing hearing aids to hear better. My reasons for pretending to hear is because I wanted acceptance, attention, and communicate with normal hearing people. All I wanted was to continue to watch movies with family members, play video games with friends, and laugh with every person who tried to socialize with me. The longer I pretended to listen, the easier it became to continue pretending. I’ve never told a person face-to-face that I’ve been pretending to listen when I cannot hear because I know it’s going hurt his or her feelings.
A person wearing cochlear implants or a deaf person will never pretend to listen what he or she cannot hear. Why should I continue to pretend when it’s better to be myself and honest. It’s mean and selfish to pretend to listen when I cannot hear. No more pretending. It’s time to live my life like the wind.